It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
