My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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