she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
