If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
