Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
