for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
