she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
