Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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