That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
