Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
