tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
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