so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My brain says no but my pants say off.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
