if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
