I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
