I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
