I am puke
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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