So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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