everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
