I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
