I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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