I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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