i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize