I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
