Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
