wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
