i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
