I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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