We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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