My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
