True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
