I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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