Three words: puerto rican gang bang
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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