I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
