After last night, I could never be a politician.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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