Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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