Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize