she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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