She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
