Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
