I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
there is glitter all over my balls
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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