I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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