we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
