hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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