Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
