Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
