Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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