my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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