I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This is my gift to your gina
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
