i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
