I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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