Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
