Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
