You're my little dorito
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
