Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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