i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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