Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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