when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize