Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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