I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize