I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
