it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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