About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
