new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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