you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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