Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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