Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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