Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize