I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
