no, he came in my armpit
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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