Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
