Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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