i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
